i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
