why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
