THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
