My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
