Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
