What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
