Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
