Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
