I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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