One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
