spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
