I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
