Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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