did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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