He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
