then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
