If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Boobs speak an international language.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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