Will you blow on my dice?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
