Betty ford says i'm here all night
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
