lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
