I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
