last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
