Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
