Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
