Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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