I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
