Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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