When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
