it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
