Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
ttyl tear gas
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
