i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
