My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
