I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
