WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
