Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
