My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
