and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
