I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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