Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
