i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
