life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
