ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
