using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
How does one acquire holy water?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
