if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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