If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
