dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
