he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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