Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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