He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
