i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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