My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
