So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
