Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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