I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
