Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
