OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
