He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
